


to construct again and again

by Yubbie



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Don’t copy to another site, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, M/M, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 03:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18044300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yubbie/pseuds/Yubbie
Summary: Of a past only two knows. Of nights of discovery. Of suppress feelings. Of a bond distant and a chance to reconnect.





	to construct again and again

**Author's Note:**

> First off ToraSou got me off guard and I have been stuck in its hell. 
> 
> Second, this is entirely based off an idea with Sensei and Haru (?? did you contribute to this? idk but you did now). It is basically, if you don't get it from reading, Torao and Sougo before idol (technically we don't know the exact time they met so my headcanon is childhood friends) and then it jumps to present time.
> 
> Third, a friend encouraged me to so I'm posting this self-indulgent thing. Otherwise, this wouldn't have existed.
> 
> [edits this in because sensei wrote a good soft: [toraosou](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18115172)]

* * *

Panting heavily against the sheets, Sogo groans softly at the softening dick pulling out of his ass. He feels sensitive, maybe too sensitive, as hands trail down the back of his thighs and lips press in the space between his shoulder.

“You okay?”

The breath skirts across his bare warm skin, sending a shiver down his spine. He rolls to his side, meeting the pair of red eyes peering down at him curiously.

“... That was…” Sogo doesn't miss the way the other's tongue dart out and swipe over his swollen lips. “Amazing.”

Torao chuckles and Sogo squash down the wishful hope that their lips would meet again. He rests completely onto his back instead, pushing back onto his elbows, as he draws away and watches his back muscles flexing as he stretches. He fights back the thought of running his hands over them, along the red marks and lines that he made with his own hands.

“That's nothing.” His voice snapping him out of his longful thoughts. “But I feel sorry for the next guy,” Torao lock eyes with him from over his shoulder; a smirk most definitely on his face. “He has to compete with me.”

Sogo blushes red at the thought– of others and future ones– and flops down. “Who says it will be another guy?”

“You with a woman?” Torao scoffs. The mattress sinks on his left side and Sogo’s sight is suddenly engulf with his cheeky grin and twinkling eyes. “You're the very definition of having no interest in breasts and vaginas.”

Sogo bristles, whether from offense, vulgarity, or from the truth, he’s uncertain. “I have to marry one regardless.”

“Doesn't mean you'll have sex with her.” Sogo's mouth open to retort but Torao continues, leaning closer. “And even if you do, you wouldn't ever feel what you did tonight.”

His throat goes dry and responses die. Torao saves him the trouble of voicing a weak argument, for the sake of a poorly delusion idea of pride, by finally pressing their lips together. Their eyes remain open, hooded, and an intensity swirls in his chest from it.

Sogo’s only fly shut when Torao’s thumb rubs roughly over his nibble, sending a jolt that makes his torso arch, and breaking the kiss with a gasp. Head tilting back as he catches his breath, Torao's hand glides down his side until it rests on the curve of his hip.

“He wouldn't let me.”

“That's not stopping you from coming here.”

“You know what I mean...”

“You still come back despite the risk.”

Sogo turns away then with the well of guilt and self-hatred overflowing. He felt all wrong again; he shouldn't be here, shouldn't be indulging in such desires. Desires he should have for women and for producing a future heir. Not with men and another family's prized son. Even if it is all under a pretense of experimenting.

“You're doing it again.” His breath fans over his cheek. His hand moves from his hip to his clenched hand, “No one is watching, Sogo. It’s just me.”

He breathes out shakingly, unfurling his hand and feels larger fingers slip through the spaces between his fingers. Torao lays down on his side, his left arm wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him to his bare chest. It’s reassuring, comforting, and he knows the other will always be careful not to have their time together leak out. 

Sogo breathes in the musky scent of sweat, sex, and the cologne Torao uses daily. It’s an odd sense of security, despite it being the first time he’s been close enough to smell it. He turns his head so his cheek rests against his chest, staring out to the darken room, lit only dimly by the moon’s light filtering through the space of the drawn curtain.

He wonders how much more time they’ll be able to keep having together until the temporary bliss becomes a memory too.

“Torao-san…”

He merely squeezes their joined hands in response; his thumb rubbing circles on his shoulder. Sogo wants to sink into this warmth he created for him. To be able to breath under the pressure of everything around them, he imagines it is how the protected feel by their heroes, who protect and do good for others, like one of Torao’s beloved heroes. 

He likes to think he's also helping him, he thinks as he pulls away enough to gaze into red eyes. The kindness in them is hardly seen these days, he has notice, unless it is only the two of them. It troubles him that he couldn't do much outside to keep them alive beyond these four wall. Though he suppose he’s also the same in Torao’s eyes.

But it is all temporary. All his wishful thinking. This night revedenous is just to unwind and release stress, to learn the things he dare not do on his own just yet. Any sense of intimacy he thinks they have is just his imagination.

“What is it?”

Torao's concern tone makes his heart soar and clench tightly in his chest. _Stop being so kind._ Sogo shakes his head. “Thinking. Of how we met.” He adds on when he sees an eyebrow rose.

“Ah…” The embarrassment is clear to Sogo's ears as his hand leaves his shoulder and thread through his hair. “Why are you thinking about such a lame person?”

“No reason.” He lies, feeling upset that the bright, friendly, hero-loving kid of then is being dismiss by the current one. The one that made the social parties a bit more bearable as a kid. “Just, how someone so cute turned out like this.”

“Like what? Hot? Desirable? Your fuck buddy?”

Sogo's face flames up and he jerks away as if scalded by boiling water. “Don't say that!”

A teasing smile is on his face and he follows him, closing the gap between them quickly. His hands grasp his wrist and his legs lock with his. “It’s the truth though.”

“Torao-san!”

Sogo jerks, only sees a flash of a smirk, before his face moves pass him and his mouth is on his ears. “Want to go for round two, fuck buddy?”

Inhaling sharply, a shiver travels down his spine and he can feel the grin from eliciting that reaction from him.

“You're going to be such a slut, Sogo.” Torao mouths against his ear. “You want to be turn into a mess, don’t you?”

He gulps, voice lost at the sudden turn. He didn't imagine he would like these kind of talks. He isn't sure how to answer. Previously, he had only listened to Torao speak in a similar manner when he was already close, but...

“Torao-san,” Sogo breathes out, halting the abusing on his ear, “Please, I– ruin me.”

Sogo holds back a bated breath when there is no immediate reaction. Maybe he shouldn't have said that in this situation? Was it even the correct way to respond? Maybe he's just really terrible at this. He should've stop this before it got this embarrassing.

A chuckle interrupts his spiraling thoughts and Torao pulls away to open the drawer to the side- where all the toys they acquired so far were. He let out the breath he held as anticipation slips into its place.

Sogo watches at the assortment he pulls out, the way his body moves each time he bent down or reached further in. He wants to wrap himself around it, can imagine the way it’ll fill out when he’s older- if he keeps up with his physical exercises that is. _I wonder if he’ll be bigger there too..._

The heir looks away at that thought, ashamed he even felt aroused by it. He's trying to think of other things, for more innocent, when fingers curl around his chin. He gives himself into the tug, their lips meeting again. It’s gentle and slow and he wants to cry at the reality that this blossoming feeling will never see the light of day. He wants to pull him close, wants to shove him away, wants to tell him, wants him to make him forget.

He wants him to stop the _thinking_.

“Torao-san, please.” He begs the moment his mouth is free. Gripping and digging his fingers into Torao’s forearms, he looks at him imploringly, for the sake of banishing the thoughts more than his need to be sexually satisfied again.

“You’re impatient.” Torao bites down on the area between his shoulder and neck. Sogo only tightens his grip with a gasp in a mixture of shock, pain, and pleasure. “We’ll get there when I want to. Understood?”

Sogo nods, not trusting his voice, and- oh, was that a cock ring?

“I didn't hear you.”

 _Ah, this may have been a mistake._ Sogo thinks as he tries to form the basic word with his mouth. He didn't think he may be into this kind of play until now. He's tempted not to answer but, when Torao's thumb swipes over his slit, the word come tumbling out multiple times.

Torao chuckles and covers his mouth again, messy and rough this time. “Are you still sensitive? It’s been several minutes since you came, you know.”

Sogo whines, arching, as he's being pumped and teased at. His fingers dig into the disheveled chestnut hair while the other hand wraps around his neck, pressing their chest together as he gasps and moans in pleasure. Just when he thought the pressure build up is enough to make him go mad, he felt something cold being wedge into him.

“Heh. You're still loose. I guess it’s not that big.” The object– a vibrator his mind supplies once it was turned on– went in without much resistance and Sogo moans at the vibrations. “Maybe we should get something bigger for you next time.”

His mind runs wild at the comment, dizzying his pleasure-filled mind further with rambunctious imagination.

“Nnn… To-ra- aa...nn..”

“Shh. Just enjoy it kitty.” Torao's husky voice in his ear making him buck, rubbing their erections together for a moment. The moment is enough to urge him to seek more.

“Hey.” 

All too suddenly, his warmth is gone and he is roll onto his back, hip pinned down by large hands that press harshly into his skin. A gasp escape at the pressure of the vibrator shoving just a little more in him as well.

“I didn't say you can do that.” 

Sogo blinks bleary, mind slow to catch up.

“Are you listening?” He hisses out, gripping his leaking cock into his hand. Sogo chokes back at the abruptness; his hands scrambling, grasping onto Torao or the bed sheet. He wants to come so, so bad.

“Yes–! Aaa… nn– plea-se– I can't–”

“What did I say.”

Sogo wheezes, shaking his head. He wants a release– doesn't want to think, just wants to release the pressure that's being fill over it's brim.

“I guess you don't want to come then.” Torao states flippantly, hands withdrawing, and he's staring dumbly at him as if he had made a joke he didn't understand.

Horror crashes down when Torao doesn't touch him, or even looks at him, after a few moments. Instead, he's standing to his feet at the foot of the bed like he risen from a long rest.

“Torao-san wait–! Don't!” Sogo bites down the sensation of moving while the vibrator is in him. Barely being able to wrap his fingers on his wrist, a thought of jerking himself off flashes by as he speaks, “I'll listen– I'll wait! Just don't leave me like this.”

Red eyes glances down at him, a satisfaction settling in them, as he runs his hand gently through his hair. His breath sucking in when he yanks his head back roughly, he tighten his grip on Torao's wrist.

“You're so sexy when you're begging, Sogo.”

He doesn't have much time to register the words, merely feeling it add to his growing list, while he is shoved back down, wrists pinned beside his head, and he's breathless at the sight of Torao over him with a predatory gaze in his eyes.

“I'll make sure your body won't forget this.” Sogo's breath hitches at the promise he is making. “No one is going to satisfy you like I do.”

Groaning at his hot breath over his harden cock, Sogo barely manages to restrain himself from shoving it against the awaiting mouth.

“Look at how eager you are for me.” He mouths the underside, tongue licking upwards to the head, and Sogo did all he could not to move in reaction. 

Torao’s hands release his wrists and slid to his ass, spreading them and pushing the vibrator further in. He's barely hanging onto the taut strings of his restraints.

“You're such a good boy.” Torao breathes out and Sogo doesn't have time to wonder how many more things will be added to his list of discoveries because a hot and wet cavern envelops him and he whites out momentarily with a satisfied moan.

The tension unravelling throughout his body, it takes several moments for him to realize that he came in his mouth, that the vibrator is out of him, and Torao's dick is against his asshole.

Brows furrow and Torao huffs at his confused expression while pushing back his hair. “You think I won't get my share too, Sogo?”

“But I ju–”

Torao leans down abruptly to his ear. “I'll teach you another lesson that I'm sure you'll love too.”

And he drives his cock in swiftly, leaving Sogo gasping and moaning at the sensations that follow.

* * *

Sogo breathes out slowly, arm resting over his eyes. It has been a while since he thought or even dreamt back to that night. He can hazard a guess why it came back now, with such vengeance and clarity.

_He really does look as– more amazing than I could have imagined._

No, no, wait. That isn’t the problem here. The problem is his lower half being a pain once more and, while he’s not at the dorms, being in a hotel room with Tamaki sleeping just a few feet away felt a hundred times worst.

The other is a heavy sleeper though and, peeking at the time, he should still be in deep sleep. But that is hardly a reassuring factor as he knows his partner is unpredictable in many ways. Just as he thinks the other may be understanding and hopefully not speak about it to mention it to any of the members.

Weighing the pros and cons, Sogo decides to leave it to the wind when his mind kindly wander back to thoughts of those built arms bringing him down and enclosing him, giving him what he wants in the manner he knew how he liked.

Sogo makes a vow to himself, as he shuts the bathroom door behind him, that this will be the only time he’ll think back those warm and conflicting nights. That the emotions of then shouldn’t be sought after, shouldn’t be brought back, and that they would only ruin what he has made to forget it.

* * *

Though Sogo is surprise Torao even became an idol. His interest never indicate he’ll want to be involved with music in the past. Filming or acting, perhaps, but not the music industry. He also decided it is both a blessing and curse he became an idol as well. The decision coming when he sees ZOOL perform their debut song and how his eyes would follow the other far more than he likes to admit throughout the viewing.

His dance is powerful and strong, rivalling Tamaki or even Tsunashi. Though he isn’t surprise that Torao doesn’t sing. Some idol groups having dancers and singers specifically and not everyone in a band sings. Still, he finds himself wanting to hear Torao’s singing voice.

_It’ll be match well with the others._

It just makes everything even more of a mess, if he were being honest with himself. Which he seems to be in the department of improving. While he respects them as fellow idols, Torao is obviously in it for the wrong reasons. Shown by TRIGGER’s fall and each member having a hand in it, Sogo wonders if Torao had abandon his love for heroes.

_No… he loves them as much as I love music._

Sogo did not want to give up on that part of him. There has to be a reason behind their actions, individual of their president’s. He has to tread carefully though. Their history, though, beyond those nights, were dangerous to come out.

More than his relation to his family, Sogo didn’t want that to come out to his members. There is too much shame, guilt, and disgust. The image they all have of him, he didn’t want to damage it. 

He’s only glad that the sole person that may be vaguely aware, doesn’t live with him anymore nor could he come barreling down and pry the feelings out. Sometimes, though, Sogo wishes he could. Saying those few worrying text he recieve when ZOOL debutted would be comforting to hear in person.

“Yo. Sogo.”

The familiar voice forces Sogo to halt, mind blanking on how to return the sudden greeting. He isn’t expecting to run into him, alone in the hallways of a broadcast company. He turns and smiles politely as usual, dipping his head in greeting.

“Good evening Mido-san.”

“Heh. You’re as formal as always.” The taller stopping closer than one would consider normal for two rivaling idol groups.

“Is there something you want, Mido-san.” Sogo speaks briskly, quickly, as sharp and cold as possible while remaining the ever kind person he tries to be.

Torao's eyebrows rises, but he takes a step back. Sogo feels both relief and disappointment.

“Calm down. Don't get yourself all wound up and frustrated now.”

Sogo breathes out slowly through his nose, clasping his arm. “I apologize for my tone. Good work today. The program you were on a while back was very interesting.”

“Oh? You were watching me? I didn't know you would be watching. I would have put on a better show for you.”

“... You should always put your best effort in your work.”

Torao shrugs. His hands slid into his jacket pockets as he took on a more casual stance. “If I feel like it. And if it's interesting.”

“Is that so…”

Silence fills in afterwards and Sogo stands there awkwardly until he couldn't handle it anymore. “I have business to get back to, so if you’ll excuse me.”

“Wait!” The large hand wrap around his wrist and Sogo hesitates before lifting his eyes. The familiar squeeze in his chest returns at the hopeful and equally as hesitate look in those red eyes. “I just thought, you know, we could. Get a drink after you fini–”

“I won’t join you in frivolous activities, Mido-san.” He says in an almost apologetic manner. Even if there is some part of him that still yearn for those nights where there were no walls or eyes baring down on him.

“And I wasn’t asking you to.” He retorts in seriousness, releasing him and using that same hand slide them in his hair. “I just want to… you know. Talk.”

“A talk?”

“You know, over a glass.”

It’s almost endearing how cute he is being awkward and roundabout. Still, the idea of drinking out without Yamato or Mitsuki to control the situation when he gets drunk felt strange.

“I’ll have to check with the others on that-”

“I won't let anything bad happen.”

Sogo frowns. Those were funny words considering what he did to his own favorite idol group.

“How can I believe that after what you've done?”

“... You can't.” Torao mutters, deflating, and his eyes retreating to the indifferent shine Sogo knows he is hiding behind. “Well, this was fun and all but I should go pick up the girl now.”

Reasoning falls apart as Torao starts walking pass and what right did he have to deny him the chance. It’s due to the others for giving him one that he came to like himself more each other. 

If it is truly just to talk…

“Mido-san, wait!” Sogo blurts out before he could reconsider. He turns around when he hears his footstep halt. Facing his back, he notes how wide and stronger it became over the years. He notices how lonely it looks too.

Torao’s head tilt back, looking at him from over his shoulder. “If you’re not going to say anything, I’m leaving.”

Sogo steels himself. If this ends up a mistake, he could at least say he tried. “I only have one more job after this. We can meet up after.”

Sogo’s smile at the flash of surprise on his face and is mildly disappointed when Torao faces forward again. There’s a silence and he wonders if the other is going to take back his words. If he is going to continue the socialite life.

“Alright. Tonight.” Torao turns around and heads towards him again. When he stops, he’s holding his hand out and Sogo stares blankly at it. There’s a huff of laughter. “Your phone.”

“Oh! I– I don’t have it on me right now.” Sogo pats his pockets before remembering he was still in his stage outfit for a variety show. “It’s back in the dressing room.”

“Hmmm, well, guess we’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way then.” Torao hums. He pulls out a pen and grabs Sogo’s arm. He resist the urge to squirm at the ticklish feeling of the pen when he pushes back the sleeve and write on his pale thinner arm. “There. I’ll be waiting, kitty.”

Torao flippantly waves a hand as he finally turns and leaves. Sogo is left flushing slightly at the nickname and its accompanying meaning and memories. He does pout after a few seconds as he realizes that it effectively remove any replies he had while he leaves.

Glancing back down to his arm, Sogo traces the numbers. “... We can’t go back to before.” But, maybe, they can forge something new.

* * *


End file.
